Healing the Inner Child: Rewriting the Stories We Learned to Survive

Many of the patterns we struggle with as adults don’t begin in adulthood. They begin in moments when we were younger — moments when we needed to feel seen, safe, or loved, and something was missing. Over time, we learn how to adapt. We learn how to survive. And we carry those lessons forward, often without realizing it.

That’s where inner child healing begins.

In this post, I want to explore what the inner child really is, how early emotional wounds shape our adult lives, and how reconnecting with this part of ourselves can become a powerful path toward healing.

What We Mean by “The Inner Child”

When we talk about the inner child, we’re not talking about a literal child living inside of you.

The inner child represents the emotional part of yourself that formed during your early years — the part that holds your needs, fears, hopes, and imagination. It’s the feeling self. The part of you that wanted to be loved, seen, and safe.

From a psychological and emotional perspective, our core needs as children are simple:

• To feel seen and recognized for who we are

• To feel loved without conditions

• To feel safe, emotionally and physically

When one or more of those needs weren’t consistently met, inner child wounds begin to form.

How Inner Child Wounds Develop

These wounds don’t always come from extreme or obvious trauma. Sometimes they come from moments that were quiet but repeated.

They can look like:

• Abandonment — not being chosen or prioritized

• Rejection — feeling like who you are is too much or not enough

• Emotional neglect — no one asking how you felt

• Parentification — taking care of others at the cost of your own needs

These experiences don’t stay in childhood. They create emotional patterns and beliefs we carry into adulthood.

The Protective Stories We Learn

When our needs aren’t met, we don’t stop needing — we learn how to survive.

We develop protective identities, sometimes called character structures, such as:

• If I’m perfect, I’ll be loved

• If I stay quiet, I’ll be safe

• If I take care of everyone else, someone will finally take care of me

• If I achieve enough, I’ll be seen

These aren’t just thoughts. They are emotional blueprints that shape:

• Our relationships

• How we respond when we’re triggered

• How much joy, rest, or softness we allow ourselves

My Own Inner Child Story

For me, inner child work brought me back to one central wound: the need to be seen.

I grew up without my father present, and for a long time I told myself it didn’t affect me. I convinced myself that he was the one missing out — missing my accomplishments, my growth, the person I was becoming.

That story protected me.

But when he passed away, something shifted. All the emotions I had buried surfaced — sadness, anger, disappointment. The little girl in me realized she had been waiting all along.

She had been achieving, performing, and trying to be the best — hoping that being seen would make up for the absence she felt.

That’s when I understood: I wasn’t chasing success. I was chasing visibility.

Inner child healing helped me see that my drive to prove myself was rooted in early wounds of absence. And once I saw that, I could begin to care for that part of myself with compassion instead of pressure.

What Healing the Inner Child Really Looks Like

I often imagine the inner child like a room that’s been closed off for years — filled with old drawings, memories, and emotions covered in dust.

Healing isn’t about living in that room forever.
It’s about opening the door gently and saying:

I remember you.
I know what happened here.
I see you now.

That’s the work.

Gentle Ways to Begin Inner Child Healing

If you feel ready, here are a few ways to start:

Notice when you feel small
Pay attention to moments when rejection, criticism, or silence creates an outsized reaction. Ask yourself: How old do I feel right now?

Write to your younger self
Tell them what they needed to hear:
You tried so hard. You don’t have to earn love anymore.

Re-parent through action
Give yourself what you didn’t receive consistently — rest without guilt, boundaries, asking for help.

Change the inner dialogue
When old stories arise (I’m not enough, I can’t trust anyone), respond as the adult you are now — the one who knows better.

A Reflection for the Haitian Community

Many of us in the Haitian community were never given space to simply be children. We learned early how to behave, how to help, how to make our parents proud — but not always how to express what we felt.

Messages meant to prepare us for a hard world often taught us that softness was weakness and emotions were a problem.

Healing the inner child is about giving back what those messages took away.

It’s allowing ourselves to feel, to rest, to ask for help — without shame.

And when we do this work, we don’t just heal ourselves. We begin to change what emotional safety looks like for our families and future generations.

Closing Reflection

Take a moment.
Place a hand on your heart.
And tell the younger version of you:

You don’t have to earn love.
You don’t have to perform to be seen.
You are safe now — and I see you.

That’s how healing begins.